The Best Christmas Poem of All Times

December, when the weather chills,
and leaves depart their mother trees
the land dissolves its yearlong ills
and cheery dispositions fill
all space that’s now made free.

And all the trees in all the woods
and forests growing silently
bereft of their once verdant hoods
like old men where once children stood
they bow to snow compliantly.

Yet here in clean sepulchral white
undaunted grow the fir and pine
a green that shows as though in spite
of cold and brutal lengthy nights
that numb the hands and chill the spine.

And, too, the holly still abides
through icy winds and clouds of gray
it’s berries, red and sanctified
impervious to sharp collide
of winter winds from far away.

Secret Santa

In the darkest hour
Of your bleakest day
Somewhere out of sight
Someone’s on the way

You can’t see him come
You won’t hear his sleigh
Don’t know where he’s from
But it’s near the day

To your secret hope
To your whispered prayer
He brings strength to cope
He sends gifts to share

Cause his gentle hand
Reaches out for you
You will feel its touch
In a day or two

And outside of view
And without a noise
You’ll awaken to
A day filled with joys

A Poem for Decorating the Tree

When one decorates a tree,

He or she can see,
That the tree is a fine pine,
Sublime in it’s prime-time,
For Giftmas joy, a key.
Now, see here what I have to say,
On this most lovely occasion,
Oh, and what a day it is,
A day that I like a bunch, A whole lot, a ton,
Genrally, a ton-of-a-lot-of-fun,
Very nice, on the whole,
In short,
I like it pretty good.
What is a birthday, anyway?
Why, it’s a celebration of a person’s birth,
The essential role that they play,
In the general course of say,
What ever happened,
What will… what may.
Now see here fool!
I’ll tell you what’s up!
I’ll suck up your brains from a straw in my cup!
I’ll eat you right up, if you don’t understand!
I’ll eat all your body: minced, cured, and canned!
I’ll smack you right down if you dare reprimand,
The meticulous christmulous joy that I’ve planned!
Haha! Haha! And a fat HA, I state!
Your stupidity is all to much fun to berate!
You clearly have hate for the rhyme which I spake!
For your spirit is now on the brink of a break!
You cannot match my Giftmassy Joy!
Not one of my presents,
Not one of my Toys!
Go now and perish!
Flee from this Land!
Don’t you see what this is,
Upon which I stand?
This is Christmas Isthmus,
The bridge on the sea,
The bridge to the spirit,
Of all that is in any way at all Christmassy.

More Giftmas Poetry: der Adventskalendar

So, I read this poem on one of my new favorite websites (Futility Closet).

JANet was quite ill one day.

FEBrile troubles came her way.

MARtyr-like she lay in bed;

APRoned nurses softly sped.

“MAYbe,” said the leech judicial,

“JUNket would be beneficial.
”
JULeps, too, though freely tried,

AUGured ill, for Janet died.

SEPulcher was sadly made;

OCTaves pealed and prayers were said.

NOVices with many a tear
DECorated Janet’s bier.
– Carolyn Wells, Folly for the Wise, 1904

It inspired me to write my own Giftmas-flavored version.

JANtle breezes wafted by,
FEB or six small flakes aloft,
MARry Christmas songs abound,
APRicots in stockings soft.
MAYking cookies, cakes, and pies,
JULs of shining candy bright,
AUGht to get some sleep I know,
‘SEPt I can’t sleep a wink tonight.
OCTual reindeer hooves I hear,
NOVer before have I heard so clear,
DECidedly St. Nick is here…

XMAS POEM

ROBOTS CHRISTMAS
COGS FOR CANDY
SPROCKETS FOR STOCKINGS
TECHNO-COOKIES FOR SANTY

ROBOTS CHRISTMAS
CYBORG ELVES MAKING PRESENTS
CURVED CABLES FOR CANDY CANES
A PHASER COOKS A PHEASANT

ROBOTS CHRISTMAS
BABY ROBOTS CAN’T SLEEP
THEIR HARD DRIVES ARE SPINNING
TRYING TO HEAR SANTA BEEP

ROBOTS CHRISTMAS
FINALLY THE DAY
LOOK HOW MANY GIGA-PRESENTS
CAME FROM SANTA’S CYBER-SLEIGH

ROBOTS CHRISTMAS
NOTHING LEFT TO UNWRAP
TIME FOR ROBOTS TO REBOOT
WITH A ROBO-CHRISTMAS NAP.

Haints!!!

Today I was going about my business of making pictures, as usual. What do you think happened? One of my colors dried on the palette! I wouldn’t post this on the blog- but here’s what: the paint dried in the form of a clear image of our cat that recently got hit by a car!!! He is trying to contact and/ or haunt us, it seems, and we should all be aware and keep our eyes out. This weekend a cat crossed right in front of our car as we drove, which looked identical to ‘hit- by- a- car’, (identical also therefore to ‘not-hit-by-a-car’, by the way), but we thought nothing of it. BEWARE! TAKE CARE! BEWARE!!!!!!

Marker Bored

When the boys were younger, they would occasionally come to the office and write on marker boards in ways that approximated real business diagraming, but were much more humorous. This inspired me to occasionally decorate the marker boards of places of business that I visit.

My intent is to make something that makes no sense, but looks like it does and to always add the “DO NOT ERASE!!!” statement that has become a common theme of corporate marker boards. (It almost always has multiple exclamation points and the content tends to stay up for months.)

Das Poem

strawberry meat parade
capsized sandwich
stupefying caterpillar
cannibal candy dish
flagrant pancreas
faithful wristwatch
chainsaw pathogen
ampersand pit stop
blazing polenta
magenta banana
damascus begonia
alone in havana
principal fitness
mincemeat witness
strapping young musketeer’s
popular business